Go Ahead and Step on My Heals...NOT!

Welcome to the life and times of the mother of a 13 year-old 8th grader. WHOOPIE! The drama is just beginning as school is now underway in this neck of the woods. Here is today's scoop, of course this story is my daughter's point of view (exaggerated? I think not).

My daughter was walking through the hallways of the school when drama queen "A" says, "Can't you walk any faster?" Daughter who is in the middle of a traffic tie-up not unlike rush hour in D.C. replies, "No." "Well, then I am going to step on your heals" states drama queen "A". "Go ahead, " replies daughter and SURPRISE! Drama queen "A" steps on heals of daughter. Daughter is upset, to say the least, tells drama queen "A" to stop. At which point, drama queen "A" pushes daughter aside into a bookshelf and passes her. The only recourse, of course, is to now to complain to friends about the audacity and nerve of drama queen "A".

Well, when I heard this story (direct from the source) I was at fault. How? You wonder. Apparently, my daughter has noticed that I am a tad sarcastic (TAD? Right!) and sarcasm works for me. It should, I've been doing it for years!

The moral of this story is, mothers are always at fault.

Come to think of it: My mother was always at fault, too.

Honestly? Not!

Yesterday, my 13 year old daughter and I met a fellow church parisioner and her 16 year old daughter for lunch. All was going well at the neighborhood Cracker Barrel until the question of, "What are you reading this summer?" was asked of my daughter. Now, my family believes that good literature, no matter the theme or genre is acceptable reading which means that not only do we have bookshelves filled with moral stories (Chronicles of Narnia, Left Behind) we also have the entire Harry Potter Series and several Jude Deveraux books. Once the question was asked, my daughter looks to me to respond. You see, she is now reading a fantasy/realistic ficion novel entitled "Bras and Broomsticks".

Of course, you can surmise that the mere title of the book was cause the church lady to turn blue so, I responded to the question by stating, "She loves to read the comics." Okay, so that really doesn't show that my daughter is a lover of literature or that she is seriously reading this summer, but it was the best I could come up as I was buttering my cornbread muffin.

The conversation then proceeded down the "hobbies" line. My daughter shared that she was taking piano, guitar and voice lessons. The church lady suggested that my daughter sing in church. The response from my daughter was that she preferred singing with others. I shared that we had sung together during our school's talent program and the church lady thought it would be nice if my daughter and I sang together. I responded that the song we sang for the talent show would not be received well since it was from the musical "Hairspray". From the expression on her face, you'd think I said the musical, "Hair".

At this point, I ordered dessert and decided that more chewing and less talking would be the best way to end the luncheon.

I am so smart.

Don't Just Think of Me....CALL!

I am a Johnny Depp superfan..just like a Superdelegate, my fan votes for Johnny Depp are worth more and are twice fanactic than mere mortal fans. Seriously! My entire workspace is Deppdom; a venerable Johnny Depp Kingdom. All of my coworkers and students are well aware of this and equate me with Johnny Depp. Which is why I am so dismayed that my comrades who viewd the MTV Video Awards this week didn't phone me when hot Johnny took the stage.

BUT THAT WAS THE PROBLEM! He was TOO HOT and my friends (so called friends) couldn't bear leaving the television screen for a few seconds to make the call.

Someday I wish somebody would invent a cordless phone so that one could sit in front of the television and make a call OR maybe someone could come up with a way to record television events. I suppose until that time, I must graciously accept all apologies. (LIKE THAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN!)

Frustrations with the Band Aid

Crazy doesn't even begin to cover it! How often I have heard and read this phrase and just laughed at the audacity of it....until today. Today was one of the most frustrating days ever in the life of humankind. Today is the day I realized that being "nice" and "good" doesn't pay.

Oh, I know most readers would say "crime doesn't pay", but noncriminal behavior doesn't pay either. Here is the scenerio: lead person is gone and no one is willing to take up the slack, in comes me, the good old band aid! Add one gray hair. I am now doing the tasks of two when one more person must leave due to an incident. Add two gray hairs. Then, the backbiting begins as complaints are loudly voiced (okay, that was me). Add three gray hairs.

Once the issues are resolved, I learn that I am following orders and becoming frustrated while others do their own thing by not following orders and they are happy clams. Add four gray hairs and call the hair stylist!

The lesson learned today: Be good and get gray OR be bad and be happy with a full head of natural (or close to natural) hair!

To be honest: being the band aid doesn't always work when the head wound is a gusher!

The Nest Which Held the Vipers

How often have I heard this statement? Numerous times and each time it is connected to Mary Surratt. Mary Surratt? She was the first woman hanged in the United States. The reason: she operated a boarding house where John Wilkes Booth conspired with several others to kidnap and harm then President Lincoln. What a crime! The only explanation that was stated at the time is that she owned the "nest" where the "vipers" met to conspire.

So, my daughter, on the cusp of teen queendom, suggested that the modern day "nest of vipers" could be a bra! She figures that if 3 strings and a band aid could be women's "underthings" then a bra is a nest of 2 vipers. Ah, the musings of youth...

Well, I need to pull up my bandaid and readjust my vipers and continue forth!

Face It; Thinly Veiled Commentary Is Plastic Wrap

How does one vent their frustrations and share their innermost feelings to the world at large and still maintain their integrity? Using innuendo and the world wide web? Forget it! When one tries to enlighten those of one's thoughts, the world wide web is NOT the forum for success. If one wants to share with a number of people at one time (select people not in the same friend zone), then the world wide web is the most productive of venues; however, some things are better left unsaid.

So, in conclusion, I will continue to discuss, vent, and share my innermost thoughts. Remember, the keyboard can be as poisonous as the pen.

BEWARE!

Like A Cat With Its Head Stuck In A Fish Bowl

How many times have we been that cat? Here is the scenerio: We are seeking enlightenment for something that isn't as simple as we first thought. We are searching and digging deeper for the light. When we can almost reach our destiny...BAM! Our head gets stuck. Not only we stuck, but EVERYONE sees it...Of course, seeing leads to commentary. Women love commentary.Today was a "cat" day. My friend (how many times do we stick our issues on "imagined" friends? Be honest) made an honest comment about a co-worker. Apparently this co-worked has skin thinner than plastic wrap, so the innocent (maybe not so innocent) comment was blown out of proportion. Hard to believe? That was the beginning of my "friend's" cat moment. As my "friend" sought to rectify, albeit enlighten, the shocked audience, she became "stuck" in a clear fish bowl atmosphere. You know the one where the mob is ready to behead and quarter the offending commentator. So, what does an honest "cat" do when they're stuck? BACK PEDDLE.....VERY QUICKLY....Throw off the bowl and get their paws out of the area, FAST! The audience, having seen this display numerous times, eventually forgets the "cat" moment and waits for another. Just like waiting for a wreck during a NASCAR race, the audience knows it one more is just around the bend.Last Thought: My "friend" did not mean to impugn your integrity, but still believes you are paranoid and exaggerating.